The Expendables 2 Review

   Well, it finally happened. I finally had a proper box-office movie opening night experience! The theatre was full! The majority of the audience was male! And everyone is having the time of their lives! That is the perfect setting for an action movie like The Expendables 2!
   The only thing that would've made the experience complete was the perfuse smell of body odor. Thank God that that was the only thing, too! But the setting of your viewing is completely meaningless. All that matters is the time of your lives the second the movie starts.
   I think this review is going to be relatively short considering most of it is action. But, honestly, who the fuck cares!? When you have this many action stars in this movie, you know it's gonna be badass. That's all I can say.
   Everyone from the first movie makes their glorious returns: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Jet Li, Terry Crews, and bigger parts for Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
   Interesting note that I thought I'd add; I saw a trailer for a new Arnold movie coming next summer called "The Last Stand". I can't wait to see that!
   Anyways, back to the movie. The movie also showcases Jean-Claude Van Damme as the villain, Chuck Norris (who is overly-glorified, like expected) and Liam Hemsworth.
   Wait, what!?
   Yeah! Liam Hemsworth! Gale from The Hunger Games! The guy that's married to Miley Cyrus! Although he is pretty good... for the 30 minutes of screentime he has. Seriously! He's in it for about 30 minutes and VanDamme just offs him! You see, guys!? I told you to go with Liam's brother, Chris Hemsworth! He's is literally a demi-god! He would've been a FAR better choice! But, NOOO! No one listens to me!!! No one likes a smart guy!!! He's got no muscles on him!!! He'd just slow us down!!!!! Besides, it wouldn't be a proper challenge if we had a god on our hands.
   Then again, it's not like Chuck need much of a challenge! He manages to take out an entire platoon AND A FUCKING TANK BY HIMSELF!!! I half expected the other guys to just sit back and let Chuck and Arnold take care of all this! Then again, we wanna see everyone kick some ass, now don't we?
   As for the story... um... how do I best describe it? It's kind of... hard to follow. It involves Van Damme and his organization finding plutonium in an old Soviet mine to sell on the black market, or something. It's kinda hard to tell, since it's almost impossible to understand a word of dialogue all these guys are saying past their half-slurs.
   But, again, who the fuck cares!? All we wanna see is our favourite action stars kick some ass. It's all about the action, the one-liners, the interaction between the characters, and the jokes. It's like an action movie straight out of the '80's or '90's. And I love it all.

   In terms of story, The Expendables 2 gets a...
   2.5 out of 5!

   In terms of action, one-liners, and overall good times to be had, the movie scores a...
   5 out of 5!!

   Overall, The Expendables 2, gets a final score of...
   3.99738645290147639824310099874624 out of 5!

   Why that number!? Because my brain can hardly process the amount of awesome in this flick! I hope that rating represents that!
   Now, I leave you with my favourite one-liner from the movie. It's from Chuck Norris. Stallone asks him if he was bitten by a king cobra. Chuck's response...
   "Yes... And after 5 days of agonizing pain... the cobra died..."

(AH CHUCK NORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS!!!!!)